Boy I have been a terrible blogger lately haven't I? I go for days and weeks and even months without posting a dang thing!
I am totally out of sync with this blogging anymore. I used to write every single day and lately I find myself getting further and further from it... BUT I do love to write and NEED to make time for it. It isn't that I don't have anything to say, because I assure you I have plenty to discuss and write about but time has just been getting away from me. I guess you could say that life gets in the way sometimes but that is a good thing.
When I started a blog back in 2005, I didnt even know what blogging was.. but I caught on fast and I found I really did have alot to write about. It was fun and in alot of ways very healing and releasing to me too. When you take the risk and put your heart and soul out there in your writing, that is the kind of thing that connects with others because out here on the other side of this keyboard is a real person with real emotions and feelings connecting with other real people reading on the other end. We all made some really great connections with people that we had never met in person but in some ways you got to know people on a much deeper level too in some instances.
I stopped writing because of one of those connections. A long term relationship I developed over time not just online but in person too, ended abruptly and I ended up being hurt because of it. So I felt it was time to pull back the reins and I was very disappointed in that I trusted somebody I thought I knew pretty well and found out I really didnt know them at all. I didnt know that somebody could be so cold and callous with other people's feelings and not only that but dishonest and hurtful to another person for no real valid reason. That isn't the way I operate and I don't treat people like that. I wouldn't treat a stranger that way much less somebody who was supposed to be a friend. So I ended the relationship. Even though it has been a couple of years ago.. I still don't get the why of what happened and I probably won't.
Anyway... I pulled back drastically and closed myself off to being open with others, especially online. I found that I no longer had anything to say and in alot of ways I see this as a self protection mode which was okay. We all have to do what we need to do and especially in today's day and age when online predators are rampant, it is good to not put yourself out there so much. We tell kids not to post things online for their safety and we should listen to that same advice!
The only down side to that is that alot of the things I wrote helped alot of people. Alot of my own life experiences and healing journey helped other abuse survivors so to not share in that way was a bummer. So I started a new blog on Yahoo 360 geared specifically towards healing from sexual abuse and it reached alot of women and was very helpful to alot of people. But Yahoo pulled the plug on their 360 site and all my words and blog disappeared into thin air. POOF! It was gone.
I have other resources that I use to reach survivors and give them helpful hints but it isn't quite the same as blogging. But honestly my life has been pretty great and I have been really enjoying living my life with joyfullness. I guess you could say I am doing what every survivor of abuse hopes to do.... THRIVING!!! That is a very good thing. So alot of the things I wrote about in previous years are not alot of things I experience now.
It has been fantastic to live life on my terms and to enjoy each and every day. I still want to help others and I most definitely want to continue to write, but finding the time and the place to do it is the challenge. I also don't want my blog to be just about surviving and abuse. I want it to be about all kinds of things. Things that are interesting to me, things that are interesting to you, things that are interesting to read. But mostly I write in a blog because I enjoy writing. If somebody happens to read it, that's just icing on the cake.
So hopefully I will get back to writing a bit more because my fingers are itching to stroke the keyboard.